Love for the Grandmother

Today I talked to my grandmother and she was asking me about the guy I've been dating. I got the usual questions. How old is he? Where does he work? When I named the place he works, she said, "Oh, so does he get you the inside dope?"

I started laughing, because I don't think I've ever heard my grandmother use the word dope in any context. She suddenly got flustered and said, "I didn't mean like a drug, I meant, you know. You know what I meant! Samantha, it meant something else in my day." As she continued I kept laughing harder. I don't think I've ever witnessed my grandmother lose her composure.

I told her "No, he doesn't really give me any dope. But I'll ask if he can get some for you."

Home Late

It's nearing midnight on a weekday and I am still awake. Typically, this would be news unto itself. But even bigger news than that is that I got to see a live recording of This American Life tonight at Avery Fischer Hall. As usual, it was brilliant and funny.

But there was even bigger news than that! This American Life was part of what I like to think of as date 2.35 with a surprisingly great guy. (2.35 because I met him speed-dating and those six minutes must count for something, and "surprisingly great" because my experience dating here has been that at about date 1.35 I lose interest or find out the guy is crazy/boring/an insta-boyfriend who just wants a girl, any girl.)

It seems I've almost forgotten what to do when I'm suddenly spending time with a funny, attractive, intelligent guy who leaves no guesswork (i.e., I am not analyzing with friends to try to figure out if he's going to call then receiving a phone call a week after I'd given up and moved on.) Luckily, I've only almost forgotten, but not quite. Right now, it's just great to be intrigued by and excited about someone again. And I'm going to stop with that, before I get into any more lengthy parentheticals...

One Night, Twelve Dates

Friday night two friends and I made our way to Guest House over on the west side for a night of speed dating. I was looking forward to it because it was something different, but I was also fairly cynical (at least by my standards.)

So I was pleasantly surprised that out of my twelve dates, only about three could be classified as "freaks," while the remaining nine were actually nice, normal, attractive people. Though one of my friends, (possibly jaded by his own speed dating experience,) continually reminded me, "They're all lying. Sure, sure he's a doctor...Next week you'll find out he's unemployed and lives with his parents...in New Jersey!"

I guess I'll just have to wait and see if my friend is correct. Till then, the highlights:

1) I can now say I went on a date with a man who has played at Carnegie Hall. Who cares if he was overly bitter about the 8-10 hours he spent in the conservatory every day for as long as he can remember? (And I'm not ashamed to admit I googled this one just to be sure he wasn't unemployed living with his parents in New Jersey.)

2) The worst opening line I have ever received was topped by a man who was 40 (clearly outside the age range advertised for the event,) who sat down and said, "So, tell me what you do besides be beautiful and have white teeth." I just barely stopped myself from gaping and entertained myself by counting to 360...the number of seconds remaining in this date. Finally, the men were told to rotate again, and the 40-year-old moved on to my friend, sat down, and said, "So, tell me what you do besides be beautiful and have white teeth."

3) I met at least four guys who really made me laugh. After the event when everyone was mingling and pretending we weren't shocked at the price of drinks, I found out that at least one of them had just been making up stories. I decided I wasn't interested in seeing him again, but he definitely won points for the imaginative story he told me about being kicked out of Catholic school in fourth grade.

4) My final date sat down and seemed nice enough at first. That is, until he started talking: "So, this is my twentieth time speed dating. I am on eharmony and chemistry.com. I just got out of an eleven-month relationship. I figure you have about a 1 in 1,000 chance in meeting someone you can fall in love with, so I might as well try to meet 1,000 people." I responded with some meaningless, shocked affirmative. Finally, they announced the end of the speed dating and encouraged us to get up and mingle. My very experienced speed dater said we didn't have to go anywhere since it was the last one, then proceeded to tell me all about how he wanted kids. Approximately two minutes later I got away from him as nicely as possible.

I ended the night with three potential real live dates. We'll see what happens. After nearly three years of dating in New York City, I'd say this actually ranked up there among my positive experiences. It was fun, relaxed, and better than trying to meet someone in a bar. I also didn't meet a single teacher. It felt good to reach outside of my social circle. I don't think I'll do it again anytime soon, but I would definitely recommend it for a little change in the dating routine.

Near-Date Experience

Two-and-a-half years of dating in New York, and am I better for it? Doubtful. This week I was supposed to go on a date with a guy I met this weekend. Let's call him John. He seemed nice enough: good job, spoke four languages, played soccer, talked to my friends and I for quite a while, etc. So when he called on Saturday to ask me out, I was looking forward to the date. Until he called again on Sunday, then one time on Monday afternoon leaving a message saying that he "just called to talk," then again on Monday night...And if I thought that was excessive, he topped it with countless phone calls and text messages after I told him I didn't think this was going to work out.

Don't worry, though. The phone calls stopped, and I've found that the near-date experience was much better than some of my actual date experiences. I think I'm offically giving up...at least for 2006.

Following Your Gut

I'm a big believer in following your gut, even if you're not fully able to explain why your gut is telling you to do something.

So today, after many conversations with close friends overanalyzing a fledgling relationship, I decided to let a great guy know that I didn't want to see him anymore. Which sucks. It's so hard to tell a truly great guy that you're not interested. He's cute, very kind, funny, sociable, someone my friends liked, an excellent kisser, has a great job, good friendships, good musical tastes, a few entertaining quirks, and dresses well...yet somehow, the chemistry isn't there. How do you explain that?

So I stumbled over my words a little bit, tried to be clear, and ended with an awkward good bye. Wouldn't it be better if we could just choose who we loved?

What is the answer?

Today I'm veering from the mundane, the school talk, and the random readings that I think should be shared to talk about something a little more personal. Over the past few weeks, I have been asked at least seven times, (yes, I'm counting), "Why aren't you dating anyone?"

When it comes to dating, I have not yet developed a strong cynicism or outright anger, so I haven't had strong emotions with which to create a lively comedy routine to be brought out for use as an answer whenever someone asks me this ridiculous question. I could come up with any series of answers, most at least slightly true, but none that would appease the uncles, college friends, or random strangers that need to know why I am not half of a couple.

I think this question is equivalent to the questions, "Why aren't you running for office?" or "Why aren't you a millionaire?" Half of Manhattan is doing it, everyone else is actively trying, yet here I am, teaching my life away, going out with good friends, reading great books, playing soccer on the weekends, travelling when I can afford it, and sometimes thinking, "Yes, it would be nice to have 'someone special' to share all of this with, but damn if I'm going to try to force it with someone lackluster, unintelligent, or unhappy."

I'm 24, which for Arkansas standards, is coming dangerously close to old maid, but I have been fortunate enough to land in this awesome life, filled with amazing friends and constant adventures both large and small. Can't everyone else be as patient as I am when it comes to finding the right person to share this with?