Something Different

Something that happened at school on Friday has stuck in my mind all weekend. Here, in my fourth year of teaching, I finally attended an IEP meeting that was exactly like IEP meetings are supposed to be...well, almost exactly. The parent did not attend. However, there were three teachers, a parent advocate, an advocate from the region, a speech therapist, and the school psychologist.

There has been the rare well-attended IEP meeting from time to time, but even those have been just people showing up, signing page 2 of the IEP before reading it, a brief discussion, then goodbyes.

This one was different in that it was true collaboration. I have a student who has serious issues that we are not able to fully handle with our staff limitations and our general environment. However, one thing makes me very hesitant to move him to a more restrictive environment: my experience working in that environment. I expressed my concern about him becoming "lost in the system" and the fear that he would learn even worse behaviors without attaining any real help.

The seven of us discussed possible solutions for over an hour. Everyone had read all the anecdotals, focused on the child's needs and behaviors and successes, and was expressing opinions and ideas in a productive manner. It was textbook in its beauty, and I feel that we reached the best possible decision for this particular student, as well as exhausting many, many other options.

This IEP meeting has been one of the best experiences I have had as a teacher. I don't know why it's so difficult to make this happen more frequently. In fact, I am one of those teachers who has started to come to the conclusion that the IEP process is frequently a useless document, especially since it is in no way based in reality once the bureacratic rules of the NYC school system have gotten involved. Friday's experience proved to me that the IEP can indeed be an "individualized education program," rather than wasted words on wasted paper.

A Trip and an E-mail

This morning I boarded a bus with twenty students from the track team and headed to Central Park. I soon found out, though, that it was the bus driver's first week on the job in New York City and he expected me to give him directions. I did not perform as well as I could have, and an hour and a half later (partially due to traffic, but admittedly also due to my continued guesses leading us to one way streets going south when we were trying to go north) we finally reached the track event.

The New York Road Runners puts together fantastic events for the kids who participate in the track program they sponsor. The kids had a great time running, got free lunch and a free t-shirt, watched dancers and danced along, then listened to Olympic athletes and marathon champions describe running and training.

The event finished up about a half hour before the bus was supposed to meet us, so I let the kids play in a grassy area while we waited. By the time we were getting ready to leave, the place had cleared out except for a few NYRR staff members. Suddenly, one of them ran up to us with two older men in tow. "Please tell us you're from Queens!" One of them said. "No, Brooklyn," I responded. One of the men said, "Good enough," then went on to introduce himself as a councilman in Queens. He got a picture of himself with children for the newspapers, my students got the opportunity to see their pictures in the paper, and we all left happy.

As we were leaving, one of my students came up and asked me about my name. I had given my shortened name to the reporter with the councilman, and he was confused about it since he had previously heard my full name. I explained it to him, then he said, "That's why I couldn't find you." I looked at him and said, "What?" He said, "When I googled you." I just stared in shock at the nonchalance with which he spoke, then tried to push it out of my mind.

We got on the bus, and I quickly realized that the bus driver had absolutely no idea how to get us back. This time, I did much better with the directions and we were back to the school in no time.

After I send the kids on their way, I checked my e-mail and found something from one of my favorite author's, Tom Robbins, in my in-box. Sure, it's just his pep talk for all the people out there who are starting National Novel Writing Month, but it was still the most exciting e-mail I've ever received (except that one that said I had been accepted into the Teaching Fellows.)

All in all, not a bad day...

Two Conversations from Today

Today I helped out with the BMX club after school to log hours so I can build my own bike. The bike teacher and I were talking with the students as we fitted helmets. One of the students was explaining that he knew the music from "our generation." Then he started singing MC Hammer's "Can't Touch This." He was about two words in when the rest of the class joined him and sang more lyrics than I remembered the song containing. I wonder why this is the song from my childhood that has survived the test of time.

And my favorite conversation happended during PM homeroom with two students:

Student 1: Ms. Armstrong, did you ever get in trouble when you were a kid.

Me: Sometimes.

Student 1: For disrespecting the teacher?

Me: No.

Student 2: Don't tell me, you pulled out a girl's weave.

Conquering Math

This summer I had to take a College Algebra course because it was an undergraduate deficiency I required before I could earn my Masters degree. After spending the past three years in Masters level Education courses with people my age and older, it was somewhat of a shock to the system to take a math class (my first in 12 years) with a bunch of 17 and 18 year olds. (Really, how many times can you have conversations with your fellow students that start with the dumbfounded question "You're a teacher, like a real teacher?")

Today I found out that I earned an A in the class. I'm teaching math almost exclusively this school year and have spent many hours in recent weeks creating elaborate lesson plans. This, though, is the big boost of confidence that I needed. I wish I felt more like a master of mathematics, but at least I feel one step closer.

The very best part, however, is that the professor I had for the course was one of the best teachers I have ever had. I learned just as much about teaching math as I did about math itself. And in less than a week, I'll be put to a whole new test. Hopefully it will be my students earning the As this time.

On the Blog Again (Like A Band of Gypsies?)

There have been several things on my mind since I last wrote. In no particular order:

(1) The Delivery Men's Uprising This article absolutely floored me. I surprise myself sometimes with how naive I can be. So many of the things I love about living in the city are based on the hard work of people doing jobs that no one else wants to do. It's shocking how poorly these people are often treated. And what's more shocking is the reasons people give for the bad treatment. I could write a ten page rant about this topic, but I'm going to stop myself. Just be sure to read the article!

(2) Granta's Best of Young American Novelists 2 This book of short stories contains some of the best work I have ever read. I'm a big supporter of contemporary writers, but this selection contained only two names that were recognizable to me. Pick it up and enjoy!

(3) Product Design I'm always clipping articles about design out of the paper to show the sixth graders who take my graphic design class. This one is especially interesting. With the advent of cheaper and smaller computer chips, advertisers will be able to put a computer chip into product packaging, so when you pick up, say, a box of Count Chocula cereal, it might just tell you "I go great with Highland milk." I suddenly want to grocery shop much less.

(4) Vacation After spending several weeks teaching new teachers who were starting an alternate certification program, I am set to enjoy three weeks of time off. So what am I doing? Lesson planning. I have found that teaching teachers everything I know about teaching (which was a great deal more than I realized,) that I have learned a ton. I am approaching my work in a much different way now, and loving it. During my work today, I stumbled across this amazing website for any of you fellow math teachers out there.

(5) Last, but not least, Tetris for Grown Ups I'm still in the throes of my youtube love, but the boyfriend actually found this one. Can you imagine how much time and coordination this took?

A Fair Trade...Or a Dowry?

Conversation in class today after a student let me borrow his watch to time a minute-multiplication quiz:

Student 1: That'll be one dollar, Miss.

Me: No deal.

Student 1: Okay, you'll get me later. I won't forget.

Me: Not a chance.

Student 2: Man, you don't even know how to bargain.

Me: Well, what would you have said if you were him.

Student 2: I'd say, If you want this watch you gotta give me a pig and two chickens.

Peter Pan Wisdom

To close out the school year I have been doing a vocational unit with my class. Today one of my students made the comment that being an adult "sounds really hard." In response to this, one of my quietest, most well-mannered students raised his hand and said, "Actually, I would just like to be a kid forever."

I had the students do a quick show of hands to see just how many of them shared this sentiment. Every single hand shot into the air immediately. And aside from one student who wanted to be 21 so he could "go to all the clubs, but still be young," all of them wanted to be 12 or younger. (My students range in age from 12-14.) One student actually said he would prefer to be four months old, because then he wouldn't have to do anything.

We discussed the ways in which being a child or a teenager can be hard, but not one of them budged from their original position. In my head, I can just hear Peter Pan: Come with me where you'll never, never have to worry about grown up things.

On My Mind

Recently I've come across a couple of statements that have stuck with me. One of my high school friends used to call this "letting it marinate in your mind." Well, my brain is soaked through and through, but I still have come to no steadfast conclusions. So, I'm sharing. I invite conversation...

(1) Last week I was talking to a friend about the expansion of the universe. (This is yet another thing I cannot wrap my mind around.) He started talking about the speed of light. He made this statement: The speed of light is the fastest measureable thing in the universe. Speed of thought might be faster, but that is not measureable. I am fascinated by this concept of the speed of thought. When I tried to discuss with another friend later, it was much trickier than I would have expected.

We stagnated at the definition. She was recognizing thought in a form of complete words, while I was focusing on the thoughts we don't even realize we're having. I imagine these thoughts to look like brightly colored speeding cars blurred in photographs. I decided to check the ever-trusty wikipedia, but for the first time it's definition didn't help me much. "Thought or thinking is a mental process which allows beings to model the world, and so to deal with it effectively according to their goals, plans, ends, and desires." All in all, the page on thought was pretty bare, and didn't mention anything about speed.

(2) I've been reading Suite Francaise, a graduation gift from my dear friend Paddy. It's an incredible book and is quickly filling up with underlined sentences that I want to read and reread. One of these sentences was: There is nothing more consistent in people than their way of expressing anger. This sentence caught me offgaurd, mostly because I am in a career in which I am trying daily to get students with emotional behavioral disorders to change their way of expressing anger.

Now I realize that this one sentence in Irene Nemirovsky's book is not the utter truth, but it still got me wondering. Much of what I do is teaching kids how to cope with frustration and anger, how to calm themselves down, think before acting, etc. However, when they do get angry, when all those strategies have failed them, they express it in the same way. This gets me going on my typical circle of thought about whether or not people ever actually change. My general conclusion is no, but in the end I guess it depends on the day you ask me. Or the minute, for that matter.

Teacheritis?

My fellow New York City teachers, have you noticed how the school year never ends? The days until June 27th stretch before me endlessly. I had a perfect Sunday, and I do not want it to end. I want it to extend into Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday...until September. Is that too much to ask?

I'm thinking about how to keep my students engaged for these last school days when I can't even manage to keep myself engaged. I read a great tip in a weekly-mail that I get about doing real world lessons at the end of the year: lessons on how to make it in high school, apply to colleges, get jobs, etc. It's a fantastic idea, but instead of working I read every article I could on the A.V. Club website, did a crossword puzzle, then pulled a little copycat and played Blokus online after seeing my roommate do it.

And now I can't even finish my blog because my roommate has somehow pulled me into Family Jewels...yes, that's right, the reality tv show about Gene Simmons.

Yes, Two Posts in One Day...

...but it's so worth it.

I'm taking another break, listening to Elvis Costello, and looking at blogs I check out from time to time. I stumbled across a great list on Learn Me Good. Mister Teacher suggests that we earn money per occurence of events such as parent conferences, students being disrespectful, or getting a new student in the middle of the year. This may be the most brilliant idea I have heard all year. I did a few calculations based on his scale, and I realized I would have earned an additional $3,850 this week! And it was a relatively calm week!

Support from Surprising Sources

As the previous entry states, I've been up since way-too-early this morning. Grad school is slowly taking over my subconscious and making it impossible for me to enjoy a full night's sleep.

By the time I got to school this morning I was feeling ready for a long nap. Instead, I decided to start a small poetry project with my students. In the poems, they were supposed to complete statements such as "I feel," "I fear," "I wish," and "I want to see." They brainstormed independently for about five minutes, then shared their ideas.

Two students had written "I want to see Ms. Armstrong graduate." This surprised me because I have only mentioned the fact that I'm graduating one time several weeks ago. I asked them what made them think of that. Several members of the class started talking about how I have been working on my classwork during lunch and right before and after school. My loudest student's voice rose above the others: "We always see you, Ms. Armstrong."

It's true. The kids are always watching. Often you're teaching without realizing it. And today, they gave me just enough kick with their well-wishing that the next few days of work seem like a piece of cake.

So Many Thoughts, So Little Time

There was a period of my life, when I was taking Sociology classes related to education and recruiting for Teach for America, that "closing the achievement gap" between white students and minority students in high-needs areas was a part of my daily discourse. Since I began teaching, I have been almost wholly focused on the individuals of my classroom. I haven't completely forgotten the bigger picture, but the words "closing the achievement gap" haven't crossed my lips or my mind in the past three years.

In the past week I have been in training to learn how to best teach a new group of alternate-certification teachers coming in in June. Suddenly, I'm delving back into theory and sociology. We spent a large portion of the time discussing an article by Lisa Delpit called "The Silenced Dialogue: Power and Pedagogy in Educating Other People's Children."

Whenever someone begins to discuss race in relation to education, things get heated. I do believe that we need more diversity represented our teaching force. I don't only mean we should have more African American and Latino teachers, but also more male teachers. I strongly believe that students need role models that look like them. Some people get offended by this, because they view it as being synonymous with the idea that white teachers cannot teach minority children. It's not.

I'm thinking about what these new teachers will face in relation to how much I can give them and how much I still have to learn myself. I am a white teacher and while I try my best to meet the individual needs of each of my students, I worry about what they may face as minority students in America. I want them to succeed, and I find myself thinking beyond those individual needs and IEP goals to how to really teach them to move ahead within the "culture of power" that Delpit describes.

Last year one of my students asked why I was white and he was black. One of my friends had her students tell her that she was not white, because she was nice to them. My roommate and I have discussed how obsessed our students become over our blue eyes. They are very aware of the differences between themselves and their teachers, which means they must be aware of the lack of teachers that come from their own cultures.

I believe I am an effective teacher, mostly because I am passionate about what I do. I am dedicated to improving my students' academic achievement. But now that I have the opportunity to really look at the bigger picture again, I find myself filled with a desire to act. Right now I just don't know what action to take to tackle this huge issue. For the moment, I've just got to get my thoughts in order and organize what information I will share with this new group of teachers who have no idea what they're about to get in to.

Poetry and Confusion

Today is NYC's 5th annual Poem in Your Pocket Day. All the students and teachers have poems in their pockets. I had so much fun today sharing my poem with students and other teachers, and reading their poems. Such a simple yet brilliant idea to get the students excited about poetry.

This week there were two major events in my classroom: a trip to the United Nations and a challenge to spend a whole day screen-free since it is TV-Turnoff Week. We left the fantastic trip to the United Nations with posters that shared statistics about TB. Throughout the week I have shared other statistics about the health risks involved with spending all day every day seated in front of a screen. One student was out sick all week until yesterday, which means he missed the trip to the U.N. and all statistics related to TB and TV.

So yesterday afternoon, when one student asked about TB statistics, then another student asked about TV statistics, he got very confused. He came in this morning and said, "I told my mom about how watching TV can make you get TB. She wouldn't let me watch anymore." The phone call home to that parent might have been the strangest one of my career thus far...

Do you suffer from TV Head?

If you haven't heard, we are in the middle of TV Turnoff Week. I have been encouraging my students to decrease their screen time (i.e. TV, computer, and games) and do some different things, like go outside and enjoy the beautiful weather we've been having. Now, I'm encouraging you to do the same.

Before you move away from this screen though, check out the link above and click on the "Facts and Figures" section. The connections between number of hours spent watching tv and reading scores are amazing. There also serious health implications regarding Attention Deficit Disorder, obesity, diabetes, migraines, and general pains. And, of course, there's TV Head, as illustrated below.



Okay, now you can move away from the screen...

Deep Breaths

Today I have been unbelievably capable of diving headfirst into huge panic. This week is filled with so many report cards due, papers, projects, meetings, and exams that if I try to think of all of it at one time I can actually feel the terror. I am imagining myself buried underneath scantron grading forms, Excel spreadsheets, memos for meetings, and test prep questions...all under the watchful eyes of the people doing the Quality Review of my school from Wednesday to Friday. I wonder, if upon seeing me drowning in this paper tsunami if they would reach out a hand to help me, or just take notes then offer suggestions for improvement to my principal later...

Little Mistake

A small group of students and I were reading an article about self-esteem today in literacy. One of my struggling readers was reading aloud while the rest of the group followed along. He was getting very excited as he read because he wasn't making any mistakes. The final sentence stated: "For ideas on how to improve your self-esteem, check out these tips."

My student, in his mounting excitement over his superb reading, read with gusto "Check out these tits." He immediately covered his mouth, looked at me, then looked away in the type of horror that is only reserved for teenagers. I tried to keep a straight face, but completely lost it. The five of us were cracking up for the next five minutes.

When it was time for us to put our books away, the same student said, "You know why we like you? Because you're just like a child." Now it was my turn to show the type of horror that is only reserved for teachers who don't want their students to know they're only 25. "Why do you think that?" I asked. He said, "Because you laugh all the time."

I'm choosing to take that as a compliment rather than obsessing over whether or not this is a good thing...

Looking Back

Nearly three years ago, I hopped in my car with my mom and my aunt and spent two and a half days driving to New York City. I did not have a place to live, did not yet know what graduate school I had placed in, and had no idea where I would be working. We arrived on a Friday afternoon. The following Monday I was to start classes...somewhere.

Things actually did fall into place rather quickly upon arriving. I slept on a friend's couch for a several days before I moved into an apartment with three strangers and I started classes in a different boro than I was living in. I was completely thrown into the process of alternate certification for teaching, which meant: student teaching an hour and a half away from my apartment from 8-12, going to grad school from 1-8, driving the hour home, trying to do my homework and lesson planning, then getting up to do it all again.

During those six weeks, I ate every single meal in my car while slowly making my way down the LIE or the BQE. I lived completely out of a suitcase because the girl I was subletting from left all her belongings. Other than that, I actually remember very little. Of course, I also don't remember it being bad, but given the choice to relive those weeks I would have to respond with a resounding NO!

Why the trip down memory (or lack thereof) lane? Soon I will be advising a new group of men and women who have decided to join up in this madness. As I've started preparing, I've wondered What the hell am I going to tell them? My only conclusion thus far is: It gets better, I promise.

Beware: A Rant

Last night I went to see Adam Rapp's latest play Essential Self Defense. It was hilarious in a crazy, quirky way (one of my favorite scenes was performed on roller skates) but also had an underlying serious message about the institution of fear in our country. This "culture of fear" has been discussed frequently in the media for several years now, with no real change yet.

Today, I finished up The Commitment by Dan Savage. This book discusses Savage's own family relationships, especially with his boyfriend and adopted son, while also tackling the political and social issues related to gay rights. In one section, he writes, "While the rest of the world moves toward full civil rights for gays and lesbians (even overwhelmingly Catholic Spain has legalized gay marriage!), here in the United States we're banning books with gay characters, relegating gays and lesbians to second-class citizenship, and doing all we can to further isolate and terrorize gay and lesbian teenagers."

Much like my feelings about the Skywalk in the Grand Canyon from my last post, I wonder what has happened to our priorities. I'm starting to think that America is developing some sort of social hypochondria: because the majority of people in our society don't face the real difficulties and fears that many around the world live with daily, many of us are developing irrational, unrealistic fears about our nation's social health.

I used to say that if the mayor had to spend a week as the teacher in my classroom, his policies would be radically different. If the policy-makers had to spend a week living in real fear, whether it be in the Marcy Projects in Brooklyn, as a closeted homosexual in high school, or as an unemployed undereducated parent trying to feed four children, they might see what is really important in relation to policy.

The more I'm thinking about and connecting recent things I've read or seen, I'm just getting angry. To live in such a wealthy country with innumerable resources at our fingertips, and choose to focus on denying someone's sexuality rather than helping those who are less fortunate receive at least the basic necessities is unconscionable.

So what has this culture of fear wrought in me? Well, what do you know? Fear! But not of homosexuals or local crime or God or (as in Rapp's play) a howling wolf in the woods. I am afraid of the short-sighted people who feel no shame in spending the hours of their lives spreading hate through speeches and legislation rather than using that time, energy, and creativity to improve the world in real ways, such as getting foster children into loving homes, ridding our cities of high-rise government housing projects, or (gasp!) spreading a little acceptance of our fellow men and women.

Jumble in My Mind

It's my lunch break and I'm researching articles to include in my students' Spring Break Homework Packet. I just came across this article about a glass walkway jutting out of the west rim of the Grand Canyon.

My first thought upon seeing that small bit of glass and steel hanging over that endless canyon was pure awe. My second thought was that this cost $30 million, and while I find it incredibly important to support art, I'm also in the midst of dealing with situations of my students who are homeless and/or hungry. Thirty million dollars seems more than a little excessive in the face of such need. My third thought was a simultaneous feeling of Omigod, why have they altered such natural beauty and Maybe it will create jobs for Hualapai Indian tribe. Now, I'm stuck on the $30 million again.

In the end, I guess my main question is about balance. I do believe that art and sports and music are all extremely important and a necessary part of our society. And I know that the people who funded this Grand Canyon project would not take that $30 million to improve the living conditions of my students. But as a society, our priorities tend to be mixed up. And it trickles down to my students in some pretty strange ways; such as my student last year who lived in some of the worst projects in Far Rockaway, but had two little dogs named Gucci and Prada.

I'm thinking in circles now, and won't submit any of you reading to it. But I'm curious to hear any thoughts.

Five Miles Later

This morning I was greeted by a parent waiting for me. This is a parent who suffers from paranoia, and today she completely flipped out. I tried and tried to calm her down, though her concerns were utterly strange. I finally reassured her that I would do my best to help her son, then went to my awaiting homeroom class.

When I arrived in homeroom, one of my students who is chronically absent was present for the first day all week. I made a comment about his absence. In response he handed me a letter from the Housing Authority stating that his family had been living in a shelter in the Bronx for the past week and had applied for emergency housing.

These two events occurred within the first hour of my day. The rest of my day was filled with meetings about these two events, and with planning sessions for a 14-year-old student with almost no formal education who doesn't yet know all the letters of the alphabet.

Some of these stresses are the types of challenges that I thrive on, but today I felt a bit beaten by the system. I met my roommate and wandered around the Lower East Side, then called a friend to see if she wanted to go for a run. Right around the time I'm usually preparing for bed, I was heading out of the house to meet her. Five miles later, I'm feeling ready to take these challenges on, while also wondering how it is that I occasionally forget how essential running is to keeping me emotionally and mentally balanced in the face of the day-to-day demands of being a teacher.